Children: Helping Children Grieve a Loss in the Family

Children: 

Helping Children Grieve a Loss in the Family

What should you tell a child when grandma or grandpa is sick or close to death?

What if it's mom or dad?

What if it's a brother or sister?

What about a sudden death?

In my experience, rule number one is Honesty!

Tell the child the truth of what happened or is about to happen as directly yet simply as possible.

Children, particularly young children, have a way of thinking that they can cause things to happen.  Of course, they can't, but they don't understand that.  So if something bad happens, a child may think it is her fault.  Peter may believe that when he got mad at his brother, it made him break his leg. 

Sally may think that her wetting the bed made grandma die. 

Most children have no concept of death or finality.

Young children do not have a clear sense of cause and effect. 

They feel much more powerful than they are. 

They don't know how to judge time or realize that a dead puppy won't wake up in the morning. 

And they trust adults to keep them safe, so they are easily scared when they see us upset.  That's ok. 

They can stand to be with us when we are upset more than they can stand being isolated from the family. 

Crying with a child in your arms is much better than crying with a child in the other room who can hear you crying. 

Isolation from the family triggers the child's imagination of all kinds of horrible things--much worse than are likely to happen.

So Rule 1 is Honesty.  Hugs and kisses and closeness with the truth.  Remember too that they probably won't remember so repeating my be important.  Hugs and kisses will be the most important. 

Stay tuned for Rule 2.